On Re-Meeting My Husband
My husband and I met because our dads introduced us thinking we would be good work acquaintances (oops). After loads of email pleasantries, we met up at a conference. He was wearing a gray suit (that I hated) and I was wearing a black shift dress and leopard heels. He was moving to London for work shortly after meeting and I still lived in Boston so our dating evolved over transatlantic travel together – first to Seville, Spain, then Paris and so on. Dan’s biggest complaint about me then was my intensity about work – my fixation on projects and my long work weeks.
Its been six or seven years since and now he has his own company and frequent travel and I don’t remember the last time I wore heels. The idea of a weekend picnicking in Spain feels glorious and about 17 years away from our reality.
So we’re re-meeting. The process of introducing myself again to my husband wasn’t one I was prepared for. I couldn’t see anything besides that my life had grown better and richer for Bodie and I should be accepted and applauded for it. But it was a transition - a change in what I care about, what we talk about and how I present myself to others.
During the transition, I got really nerdy with research from John Gottman (He and his wife Julie are literal experts on relationships – lucky them!). In his books and articles, he offers a variety of assessments and exercises. One in particular is for couples in the early years of co-parenting. The questions are a guide down memory lane.
This Valentines Day, we don’t have elaborate plans beyond cooking at home but we’re going to go back to our origin - what we felt like, what attracted us to each other and what gave us energy, independently and together, before Bodie. We can’t replicate the people we were then but there’s a romance in revisiting them.
What surprised you about marriage after becoming parents? Do you tend to revisit the past or daydream about the future together? And also, are you doing anything special today? If so, enjoy! xo