The Grey Area Between Staying At Home and Full Time Work
I've had friends - men and women - say that I've found the "perfect balance" - working two days, spending the rest with Bodie and having an always on creative outlet with Mother Untitled. If balance means a personal contentment with the time I have for things I care about then absolutely yes, by all means some days I call it perfect (for now). But if it is to say that I feel no guilt or worry and I am totally zen then I hate to disappoint but sadly, no, I am far from that.
For specificity sake so this doesn't turn into one of the vague chats I love to have over rosé about the impossibility of having it all, by doing consulting work I get the ability to contribute financially, talking points about my relevance in the work force and the intellectual challenge of work in the traditional sense. But, and there is a big but, I don't contribute nearly enough that I feel comfortable booking a weekend away with girlfriends without feeling immensely guilty about an expense that I didn't earn, I'm constantly in touch with my gamble that I'll be able to transition back to a full time dream job one day and the intellectual challenge isn't always a given - sometimes to keep myself in the game, I do project work that isn't energizing.
Taking a pause and choosing flexible and creative work for these early years of motherhood comes with an upside that I am the first to advocate but it's not without the murky messiness that comes with seemingly every choice. I want to remind anyone on either end of the spectrum or somewhere in between, that this site is an exploration of the grey area for ambitious women who want to or have to make adjustments to create space for motherhood and themselves but Mother Untitled is not one singular answer.
The only answer I have is that we're all doing what feels right as women and mothers and the one thing that makes it infinitely easier is when we're cheering each other on.
Sending positive vibes and support for your choice on a grey day in the city. Would love you to add your true thoughts xo