The Keys To Making And Keeping New Mom Friends
Even though everyone likens making mom friends to dating, I would say it's more efficient - more like speed dating. In almost a year and a half of raising Bodie, I've gone on plenty a play date and picked up a handful of good friends in the building lobby or in our favorite music class. My hit rate on friend success has been strong meaning everyone who I did an initial date or number exchange with has turned into a woman I truly enjoy being around. I don't think it's my winning personality that gets the credit but a few specific things contribute:
The reality that I've found hugely comforting and enjoyable is that of the women I meet, we all share in common that no one has time to waste and everyone is in a stage where we know ourselves pretty well. Not so dissimilar from the newness of high school or college or your first job, we're all navigating the same waters so we're all up for actively meeting new people we admire to have by our side. Amazingly, there can be an easy 10 year age spread (which used to feel like an eternity) among my friends in this stage.
The next thing that works to your advantage for the courtship is that we get right into it. We skip the small talk and find the connective tissues of motherhood. There is a raw vulnerability in motherhood and make up free playdates. I've found myself initially reluctant to part with poise and privacy but the more you're willing to share or listen, the more fun the time together. If you're looking to deepen the bonds, ask about their family history, how they've adjusted to parenting with their partners or what they want to do next.
Generally new mom friends are in your neighborhood but instead of chancing it, we've found weekly play dates keep the momentum. A set time on a set day reduces the pressure of planning and rotating houses shifts the burden around. Another idea to break from time with kids is a book club. If you're diligent, you'll see each other monthly and it gives you a way to connect outside of children.
The other thing that helps - wine. It doesn't matter that it's 330 - everyone is down.
I have absolutely been guilty of thinking at times in my life that I have enough friends but motherhood and the transitions that come with it and will come over and over are a reminder that we need all the women we can have in our corner.
What's been your experience making mom friends? Where do you pick them up? What do you do for your first dates? Have you created routines to keep the friendship going? xo
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