My One Resolution As A Mother, Wife, Woman & Founder
I was standing in front of the mirror this morning rocking Lyla (bad habit, I know) before placing her for nap. I looked at the dark rings around my eyes and started feeling antsy about sleep training and from there I bounced to my schedule for the day and wondering when I could write this post. I started formulating an outline while I was rocking, patting myself on the back for making this time doubly efficient. Somewhere in the thread of the storyline I strung together as I shifted my weight back and forth with my newborn daughter, I realized efficiency is a super power but I don’t have to be a superwoman this year. This is my year to ask for help. Across the board.
As A Mother
I’ve written before (here) about bringing on more help in our home as we transition to life with two kids. It’s something I’m still reconciling on occasion though we’ve just hired a diligent, kind housekeeper/mother’s helper. For three years with Bodie, I was able to raise him, nurture my home and marriage and build something special with Mother Untitled with two days of time of a wonderful babysitter. But even before Lyla that was starting to feel like a stretch at the end of my pregnancy and with two in tow, something had to give. In a way the physicality of a newborn and toddler, the need at times for extra hands, was the push I needed to remind me there’s no glory in doing this alone when you have the privilege to not. Beyond paid help, I have a darling husband, local in-laws and dear friends who want to be here. All I have to do is say the word. And in turn, my kids each get more patience and quality time, my husband gets a more generous partner, my village feels valued and I am happier. And only I can give my kids a happy mother.
As A Wife
I was noticing a string of tiny miscommunications between Dan and I over the last month. We both faulted mumbling and sleep deprivation and trying to communicate over crying kids. Then, this morning it occurred to me that I never explicitly say what I want or need. If Dan suggests a plan that I’m not on board with, I don’t plainly say, “No, I really want to have a low key morning”, I edge around it and then might feel disgruntled or misheard. More complex examples might be if I want his company or a morning off - I’ve always felt a lot of pride in both my independence and my energy. I’ve never been one to ask of Dan much because of a desire once again to be ok doing it alone. But in this thing called marriage and parenting, the beautiful upside is you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve written before about leaning into vulnerability in relationships and while independence and energy was attractive it turns out vulnerability goes a long way in reality and connection.
As A Founder
It has taken me a long time being comfortable with the word founder or small business owner. It’s a classic, even cliché by this point, issue for women that we don’t promote ourselves nearly enough and relatedly are hard pressed to ask for what we want. And I’m not above the cliché. I’m much more comfortable giving - giving time, connections or collaboration when asked - but seeking out what I want from my peers is far from a strength. I consider my connections to a network of especially special women to be one of my greatest assets that I feel so deeply privileged to have and they (you) are a wealth of ideas. Building something independently is incredibly empowering but not asking - for that introduction, that interview, that partnership, a little bit of support - makes this place, this passion project, this labor of love and this small business far from as powerful as it could be.
As A Woman
It sounds simple and so so hard right now - I want an hour a day for me. Not in the wee hours when I’m waking ahead of the kids so I can prepare for the day but an hour to be really alone. Not doing errands, not working but focusing on filling myself back up on what feels depleted and letting go of the small stressors that I don’t want to carry with me into the next day. And I need help to get that one hour. On Thursdays, I might ask my mother in law to be with Bodie while Lyla naps, on Tuesdays while Bodie is at school I could ask our new housekeeper to play with Lyla and on Wednesdays I might ask Dan if we can skip our evening viewing of Marvelous Mrs Maisel so I can have that hour to myself. Because I never want to look in Lyla’s mirror and feel disappointment in how I’m experiencing any bit of this wonderful life.
Thank you for making my 2018 so special - my only ask of you for now is that you write if ever you have feedback - no matter how small. Your support and companionship means the world. Wishing you the best for the year ahead. xo