Have You And Your Partner Discussed Your Love Languages?
I can't believe it's taken me this long to post about The Five Love Languages. For Dan and I, it was a simple game changer in our interactions.
We read the mini brief, so I can't claim to have read all the theory and thinking initially crafted by Gary Chapman in his first book on the topic. The quick summary is that we all have a particular tendency and preference in how we give and receive love. The five languages that human beings gravitate to are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts and acts of service. It's not exactly a beach read so you can also take a quiz (there are many available on Google) and you can quickly rank order your instincts.
Maybe it's upbringing, your family of origin's household culture or biological wiring but most friends have found their languages to be pretty defined. I have a hard leaning to words of affirmation while that couldn't be lower on Dan's priority list. Dan is the ultimate giver of acts of service while I would rather be told all day how wonderful of a wife and mother I am than be cooked breakfast.
In learning this about each other, we've grown more aware when the other is showing love. While before breakfast might have been lost on me, I now recognize Dan's constant generosity and affection. Dan has come to value how I comfort, cheer and compliment as my natural way to care for the people in my circle.
We've talked before about that vulnerable time when you're re-meeting each other as parents, not to mention re-meeting yourself. I think we did the love language audit in that first year of marriage after becoming parents, one night over drinks, and while it was just a fun and funny thing to do, it gave us a lot of clarity at a time when we both needed to feel the love.
Have you guys talked about your love languages? Did it make an impact in your home? What's yours? xo