A Letter to My Daughter About Femininity



June 2019 - 31 weeks in utero

Dear Daughter,

I curse a lot. You know this. You’ve heard it, or at least that’s what they say. You hear everything. And sometimes it feels like you read my thoughts in there. Do you?

I curse a lot cause, um, I’m earthy and a New Yorker and I’ve got a lot of fire in me. And caffeine (how’s that goin’ for you by the way?!). It’s probably some aggression, too. I’m workin’ on it.

I’ve been thinking about cursing - gruffness - lately, now that I’m having you. A girl.

I think about it because there’s so much talk about being a “badass boss babe”... a “strong woman”... So much talk about the “future is female”. And a lot of that resonates for me.

I say for me because I am tough. It is my nature or at least the persona I’ve adopted. I am ambitious. But that’s not all I am. And it’s certainly not the only way to express femininity.

I thought for sure I’d swear off pink and glitter and tutus if and when I had a daughter. But why? Maybe you’ll like that stuff even it’s not totally my thing. Maybe Ness (your brother) will too. Time will tell.

I wanna give you space to be all of you. And if that includes spirited and out spoken and boisterous then yessssss. If it’s soft and demure - shy even (I have no concept of that experience but I’ll learn, I swear!)... if it means your femininity has more pastel shades than I do: I’m down for that, baby girl.

There are so many ways to be a woman. All I can wish for you is that you DELIGHT in your way. And that I have the capacity to see it and support it.

We’re in this together. One moon cycle at a time.

See you soon right here on earth,


Daniella Rabbani is a Brooklyn based actress and the honest motherhood contributor to the MU community. Her full time gig is mama to Ness and has a daughter on the way.

Image credit: Jessica Lorren Lifestyle for Mother Untitled